Monday, January 9, 2012

If I Had a Nickel

If I had a nickel for every time some moron said...

"Trust your body"
No thank you, my eyes have been failing me since somewhere around the 8th grade, this bitch be faulty.

"Follow your instincts"
Learned this one the hard way.  That guy seemed so nice online...

"Do what feels safe"
Well I'm scared to death of riding in airplanes.  Like I need a xanax or 3 to even think about looking up prices for flights.  But I hop in my damn car every freakin day to drive somewhere.  Hmm  My feel safe meter must be broken

"Insert some garlic into your..."
Garlic is not going to cure anything.  Please don't shove it into any of your orifices.  It could make for an embarrassing trip to the ER

"Squirt some breast milk on it"
Regardless of what the Lactards tell you it is not magic.  Get a band aid and some neosporin people, don't whip out your boob.

"Do your research"
This one isn't so bad as long as you know what real research is.  If you think a few Google searches are research please call the appropriate professional in the field you are looking for info on and make an appointment and ask them.

"Have you tried Chiropractic?"
If it's about your back pain please disregard this.  If it is in response to a question about vaccines or your kids behavior problems, run away fast the advice giver is a moron

"Natural is better"

I would buy the Internet and kick all their asses out.

Please check back for my next post

Natural Doesn't Equal Better

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Quotes From My Family

I thought I would share my favorite quotes from the men in my life.  I figure one each will do for a laugh tonight!

#1 Son "He made me mad so I threw it in the toilet"
The "it" was a butter knife.  I'm still confused on that one.

#4 Son  "I write with this hand (indicating left) and I color with this one (indicating right).
This gem was dropped 1/2 way through Kindergarten.  A year later he's still doing it.

#5 Son "DOG POOPY!!!"
This was the second occasion that he put 2 words together.  He was alerting everyone to the fact that the dog left a pile in the dining room.

#2 Son "What is a douche bag?" 
To his 3rd grade teacher.  Dad learned a valuable lesson that day.

#6 Son "Ahh-Goo"
He's only 12 weeks, give him time.

Son #3 "Mom it's like I'm walking straight and the world is turning for me"
The kid is deep man

And last but certainly not least The Man "I'm going to go do something totally unnatural in your bathroom which I will apologize for now"
You know he's lucky I hung around after that one.

What awesomely awesome words of wisdom or great quotes have dropped from the lips of your loved ones?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Sexy Women Pt 3 Devon

What makes someone sexy? What makes me sexy? As with most things, it's not simple. And the answer will vary from person to person. If you ask my friends, what makes me sexy, you might hear something about confidence and curves. If you ask my parents what makes me sexy, you might hear something about how children (even 30+ year old ones) are not sexy, they are asexual creatures who will be pure and "innocent" forever. Well, sorry will have to return to bliss-land where ignorance keeps us all happy, because I am sexy, damn it. And it's not any one thing. Nor is it even a few things. It's the whole package, stretch marks and all, that make me sexy. 

When I began belly dancing in 1999, I suffered from low self confidence and pretty intense body image issues. It wasn't a miracle cure by any means, but dancing helped me overcome many of those issues and build a sense of inner strength that I never came close to honestly having before. Yes, I would bark at the wind about my confidence and "inner beauty" but it wasn't until I could dance with my belly rolling rolls showing, that I began to actually believe it.

Who else wants to sign up for belly dancing classes now?  I sure as heck do!!