Saturday, December 31, 2011

Screw the Resolutions

Resolutions can kiss my Aunt Fannie this year.  I'm just not into it anymore.  Here is a little list of things I will not be working on this year:

1  Losing Weight
Fuck it, I'm going to eat what I want and not worry about it.

2  Saving Money
I don't know why I ever tried that one, all it does is stress me out.  When you have to worry about how the hell you are going to pay your bills trying to save on top of that is too damn hard.

3  Drinking Less
Bitches I'm drinking more!  6 babes in 12 years, I think I deserve some nights out

4  Recycle
Yeah I'm evil, I'm going to pawn this one off on the kids.

5  Watch less TV
There is no better pick me up than watching reality shows.  I'm crazy but not that crazy!


Thursday, December 29, 2011

You Might be a Shit-tastic Parent if...

Your children 

Watch TV
(Even for 15 minutes a day, your kid will be dumb as a box of hammers)

Wear disposable diapers
(You're killing the environment asshole!)

Drink soda or Kool-Aid
(One sip and all their teeth are going to fall out)

Are fed formula
(Serial killer in the making)

Are taken to the Dr. on the regular
(That doctor is just out to get your money Yo)

Are Vaccinated
(Don't you know that natural immunity is so superior, Polio party at my house!  Woot)

Have eaten fast food
(I'm sorry you are so weak and succumbed to the flashy advertising)

Sleep in a crib
(Your kid will never love you, might as well give up now)

Started solids before 12 months.
(Newborn poo is so much easier to clean dontcha know?)

Ride in a stroller
(Evil tool of detachment, you should wear your baby, all the time)

Go to public school
(The government is just out to brainwash your kid.  Besides you are so much smarter then any teacher with a college education they could ever dream of hiring)


This post is sarcastic, I don't give a shit how you parent your kid, you can BF, bedshare, and babywear till your hearts content, I don't care.  I also could not care less if you FF, use a crib and that baby rides in a stroller.  Just don't be a sanctimonious twat and it's all good.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Sexy Women Pt2 Confidence is Sexy

I promised you sexy women and I am going to keep that commitment here you go!

This is the very HOT Amber, here is what she has to say

I was asked today why I was sooo HOT. Well, it's obvious. Have you seen me? Haha. Just kidding. I guess part of it has to do with genes. I think my face is quite pleasant. I'm a fat chick. Which some people like and some people don't. I understand that and I'm cool with it. I think a big part of being considered hot is being confident. It took me a few years to find my confidence. But now I know, I might be fat but that doesn't make a lesser person. That doesn't make me any less worthy than any other human being. I'm confident in who I am, what I have to offer as a friend, partner, sister, daughter, granddaughter, and person. I also own my fat. You will see me walking around in yoga pants and a hoodie sometimes. Because hey, I like being comfy. But you'll also see me rocking skinny jeans and a cute top. I don't hide behind huge tshirts and sweats. And if you don't have that confidence yet, well just fake it til you make it. Because eventually, you will get it. Don't let other people bring you down with their negativity.

I first met Amber at work several years ago.  I thought "OOH who is that pretty girl over there?"  As I got to know her I found out she is one of the funniest chicks ever.  That to me is super hot.  She is confident and knows her worth.  From what I have seen men want to know her and women want to be her.  :-)  She has a magnetic personality and can light up any room.  Oh and the red hair, gotta love that hair!!

She is just one example of a sexy plus sized woman.  Please stay tuned, I think I am going to make this a regular feature.  What do you think?

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I Made That

All moms know that feeling.  You've given birth, you're holding that sweet little babe and you are in awe and amazement of what you have made.  You look over at your SO and he says something sweet like "look what we did honey" or "we make cute babies".  That sweet little bundle of perfection, you couldn't be happier right?  Of course. 

Oh sweet sweet baby

 Fast forward 5 or 6 years and it's more like 

Did my 6 year old just put on a size 12month shirt and actually think it was his?
"Honey look what we made!"

I admit I was a little concerned when Cole came downstairs and I had to inform him that the shirt he was wearing in no way fit him.

Then I catch the BF doing this in our bedroom

Yeah, the goofy totally comes from dad.  

Have any of you ever experienced this?  What kind of goofy things have your kids done that made you scratch your head?  

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sexy Women Pt 1

I was out and about the other day and I overheard a conversation two women were having.  One said to the other that she could not find a good man to date because she was fat.  What what?  There is no way I could have heard that right.  Of course at that point I give the woman a closer look and she is beautiful.  I didn't get it.  But seeing as I didn't know this woman and have some tact and self control I didn't say anything to her.  I am sure there was more to her story but it set me off on a tangent.  Which leads to me to the point of today's rant.  Being attractive, sexy and beautiful really don't have anything to do with size.  I am not a therapist so I'm not going to blather on about self esteem or anything else like that.  (I will suggest if you feel that you have a poor self image or lack of confidence please seek out a professional to talk to.)  Think of this post as a little kick in the pants, not a how to guide.

I asked my friends and family what they thought the sexiest things about women are.  I asked online and IRL so I got lots of responses and in no particular order here are some of my favorite and most common responses.


Yes some of those are physical things, but they're not things limited to thin women.  I will tell ya'll that not one person I asked said the most beautiful thing about a woman was how thin she was.  Now I will share my two favorite responses.

 And I think the sexiest thing about women is the delicate balance between beauty and power and their complexity and vulnerability. When a woman wants you, she wants all of you and that enveloping nature is delicious.

Women, I find women sexy.  Everything about them.  I like women

My next post will feature some of the hottest women I know!!  I know I'm excited!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Lactards vs The Goodie Bag

There is a war going on people, one you may not even know about.  Mothers beware.  This

is out to destroy your child's future.

What?  You don't believe me?  Well you are right, that little sample sized can of formula is not out to get you, but there is a movement to ban giving them out in the free bag you get in the hospital.  I couldn't believe there was a whole movement full of people hell bent on telling you the right way to feed your kid!

Before anyone jumps on me about feeling sad I didn't breastfeed my kids or that I feel guilty for choosing formula you can SUCK IT.  I breastfed all 6 of my kiddos.

 If you are given a free sample you will FAIL at breast feeding.  You will succumb to it's sirens call in the middle of the night.  You will give your baby 1 bottle and then it's over.  You will never bring your baby to your breast again.  

Ok I'm done being sarcastic (for the most part).  I would like to know why people in this movement are not looking for real ways to promote breastfeeding?  Why are they not looking for ways to support mothers who would like to breastfeed?  If you want more women to breastfeed, why not promote longer maternity leave?  Heck let's make it paid leave while we're at it.  How about beefing up the number of LC's?  The question I would really like answered though is WHY DO YOU THINK WOMEN ARE SO WEAK? One more small question if you're out to ban the sample what are you saying to mothers who choose formula?  

I don't want to enter the whole breast milk vs formula debate.  In my very humble opinion, one is definitely better than the other.  And that is whatever works best for each family.  End of story.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm Big and Proud, But Don't You Dare Mention It!

I'm Big! I'm Bold! I'm Beautiful!  But don't you dare mention my size, in any way, ever period.  Has anyone else noticed this attitude among us plus sized gals?  We talk about how much we love who we are, how we look, how we feel, but if someone else says "Hey you sexy girl with the big booty" our heads snap around and we say "who the hell are you calling fat jerkface?"  So which is it?  We can't be proud and highly offended all at the same time.  Being plus sized isn't bad, or good, it just is.

I've decided that I am embracing myself the way that I am sassy, sexy, smart and plus sized! 

I'm not saying it's all rainbows and unicorns either.  There are health concerns to being a big gal.  So when our doctors talk to us about diabetes, heart disease or high cholesterol we need to listen.  We don't need to get huffy and offended.  We need to put on our big girl panties and face life head on and boldly, the parts we love and the parts that we don't love so much!

What do you think, Loud and Proud or STFU?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Well It's a Start

I wondered whether I should make my first post a little "about me" paragraph to get started or just jump right into some caffeine fueled sermon about something my crazy head cooked up.  Seeing as most of the people reading this are going to be those who already know me and don't need to read my life story again I thought why not just jump into something.  But then I think what if someone new reads this and has no clue where I'm coming from?  So I waffled all day yesterday....Yeah I do that.  *sigh*

Ten Things About Me

1  I'm 31 years old.  And sometimes I don't really feel like an adult yet.

2  I have 6 kiddos, all boys, aged 7weeks - 12 years.

3  I am a SAHM

4  I love to read.  I read all the time.  I love everything from the teenage drivel that is Twilight to biographies on historical figures.

5  I am terribly sarcastic

6  I am taken care of by the most awesome of guys.  I don't know what I would do without him.

7  In my home I deal with severe Adhd, Autism, Asthma and learning disabilities everyday.  (I wouldn't have it any other way either)

8  I'm addicted to Pepsi.

9  I love to coupon

10  I hate extremists.  On any subject

I want this to be a place I can write about the awesomeness and frustrations that come with being a plus sized Momma.  I love having curves and being able to shop at Lane Bryant and Torrid.  I get frustrated with the double chin and "helpful" diet suggestions.

Next Blog Post :  I'm Big and Proud, But Don't You Dare Mention It!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Here We Go

Well here we go!  I am still trying to figure this whole thing out.  Whew!  First real post on Sunday I think!  Yay