Thursday, December 29, 2011

You Might be a Shit-tastic Parent if...

Your children 

Watch TV
(Even for 15 minutes a day, your kid will be dumb as a box of hammers)

Wear disposable diapers
(You're killing the environment asshole!)

Drink soda or Kool-Aid
(One sip and all their teeth are going to fall out)

Are fed formula
(Serial killer in the making)

Are taken to the Dr. on the regular
(That doctor is just out to get your money Yo)

Are Vaccinated
(Don't you know that natural immunity is so superior, Polio party at my house!  Woot)

Have eaten fast food
(I'm sorry you are so weak and succumbed to the flashy advertising)

Sleep in a crib
(Your kid will never love you, might as well give up now)

Started solids before 12 months.
(Newborn poo is so much easier to clean dontcha know?)

Ride in a stroller
(Evil tool of detachment, you should wear your baby, all the time)

Go to public school
(The government is just out to brainwash your kid.  Besides you are so much smarter then any teacher with a college education they could ever dream of hiring)

*Disclaimer*

This post is sarcastic, I don't give a shit how you parent your kid, you can BF, bedshare, and babywear till your hearts content, I don't care.  I also could not care less if you FF, use a crib and that baby rides in a stroller.  Just don't be a sanctimonious twat and it's all good.

8 comments:

  1. LindsayDec 29, 2011 09:37 AM
    I am that parent. Yup.
    ReplyDelete
  2. StephanieDec 29, 2011 09:49 AM
    Hello, my name is Stephanie and I am a shit-tastic parent.
    ReplyDelete
  3. CaitDec 29, 2011 09:59 AM
    Another shit-tastic parent here!
    ReplyDelete
  4. Bambi CDec 29, 2011 10:16 AM
    Sounds like me!
    ReplyDelete
  5. LyndsayDec 29, 2011 11:52 AM
    Me, me, me!!!
    ReplyDelete
  6. MiriamDec 29, 2011 02:05 PM
    I love this!
    ReplyDelete
  7. SusanDec 29, 2011 02:16 PM
    Love, just LOVE the sarcasm! I'm so this parent!
    ReplyDelete
  8. AlicesMomDec 29, 2011 02:47 PM
    AMEN Momma!
    ReplyDelete